Today I needed to get some things from your house so I stayed in the car while Bryan went inside for a minute and gathered them. He told me you said hello to him like nothing in the world was even wrong. I don't know what to think. I'm angry but hurt. Do you think this is going to blow over? Are you seriously that self obsessed that you don't care for one second about what your actions have done and are doing?
I cannot sleep. I have woken up every morning for the past two weeks, hours before my alarm is set to ring. I hate that I am now one of those children that do not talk to their mothers.
I know that I am fortunate because you always made sure there was food on the table. You provided for our every physical need. I know that, and I am so very grateful. But we haven't had a proper mother and daughter relationship in a very long time.
I think about my childhood in different terms now. Things I didn't understand that are much more relevant now. The vacations you and her went on that nobody else was allowed to attend. The hours of phone calls a night. Not to mention the hours of time you talk to her on the internet and ignore your family. She rules you and you don't care. The times you left me stranded in a parking lot at school... were you talking to her and forgot me? The games and performances you missed? I think about every time you shut us out for her.
You said we were your number one but that you wouldn't choose between us and her. How does that make us number one? How?
How could you have threatened suicide if forced to go without her? How could I have let that hang over my life for the past six months?
Still, I love you. Staying in the car today was hard.
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